I HAS A JOB! OMG, YAY!

And I start on Monday.

^_^

I get my own desk, my own PC and I think I get my own office phone. This makes me very happy and will let me play pretend that I'm a grown up.

Because let's face it, when life gets hard, my way to get through it is to play make-believe.

I don't mean to sound so whiny since many people would kill for my life (I think), but I never realized how LONELY home is.

Seriously.

There's no one for me to play with. *smiles* Phrased like that, I sound like a child. But I mean, there's no one for me to talk with or be STUPID with.

Mum's eager to have me clinging to her side, but I'm not so eager since all we ever talk about (I use the term "we" loosely) is family gossip, weight, and looks. Ick. Shiv and Avi are pretty much cocooned and keep their door locked all the friggin' time so that's them out of the ruling. And dad is...well...dad.

Yes, these titles are getting more and more unimaginative. What can I say? I'm TIRED. XD

All play and no work makes Simi a dull dull child.

And also, I'm on my periods. Being a girl SUCKS ASS.

*hisses and throws things about*

And also, Friday 30th is the last ever show of Kawaii. *sob* It's been a lot of fun, but it feels so strange to be doing the show without my fellow hostess. *looks at Ally and scowls*

BUT I'm hoping we'll get some listeners in so then the show can go out with a bang! ^_^;

I love being on the radio, even if it is a student radio. *smiles*

I always wanted to be dedicated to something worthwhile, and I guess in some ways, I am dedicated to my piano playing (which is the only worthwhile thing I'm dedicated to - ANIME AND GAMES DON'T COUNT, WAH!)

But I also wanted to be dedicated to Kube too. ^_^;

Um...yeah...I'm really really not...possibly because I'm not actually on the commitee.

I woke up at 6.30 to get prepared for a show at 8am. Joined five other people in the studio who had ALL been there for 24 hours. Scary scary stuff.

I'm determined to find something to be dedicated to someday, in my life. ^_^ Maybe it's time to try and take up writing again.

Am sort of amused in a non-amused way, if that makes sense.

my mother just accused me of being bulimic...and then asked if I was anorexic.

How hilarious.

In that it's totally unfounded.

I've come home. been home since Monday. Came home to do a job interview at GAME on the Friday.

Have just been screamed at by my brother for trying to be productive. Am usually screamed at because I haven't found a job.

Quite frankly, I am sick to death of everyone, everything, everybody.

Quite frasnkly, I can read right through him.

The fact that his wife has been in this country for five weeks and hasn't found a job is weighing on my mother. The fact that I've been home for two days and am already searching is quite frankly, showing her up.

What a fucking piece of shit my life sometimes becomes.

If there's one thing I hate about essays, its referencing and putting down everything in footnotes.

And this time, for a stonking 47 page dissertation which (so far) is 11720 words long (the maximum is 12000), I have 100 references to complete!

ICK!

Just ick.

Also, Ally? YOU SMELL. MWAHAHA. I CAN SMELL YOU FROM ENGLAND AND YOU SMELL OF SPANISH OMELETTE MIXED IN WITH THE STENCH OF DANTE'S BREATH!

...

^_^

Oh My God.

I know I love the sun. But I hate the heat.

GAH.

I don't know actually. There's several things I love and hate about all soprts of weather.

eg Winter = hate the cold, hate being sick. LOve the fact that there are no wasps.
Summer = hate the heat, love the sun, not really ill, HATE WASPS.

I can't win.

God should have created a place, a really rare place, where no wasps can live, where it's cold, but sunny.

As a result, there's a nest outside my window of what people are claiming are mason bees. I am not convinced. Am too scared to open my window. Am too scared that they'll still find a way into my bathroom somehow or another.

So I had to bite the bullet.

I have a deskfan in my room.

Thought I was fine with it. Honestly did. Fiddled with the dial to turn it onto its lowest setting. And then accidentally switched it to its highest setting.

Shreiked.

I think I hate wasps and fans because they make a similar buzzing sound. *shudder*

Fadagaski. Your dissertation is well and truly finished. I've printed it out and everything, will get it bound later on today and then will hand it in TOMORROW. So not only do you have it done, but it will be handed in A WHOLE FUCKING DAY EARLY.

YAY.

XD

And as for my own work, guess what everyone!

I'M NEARLY DONE! XDDDDD!

And my God, WHAT a ride it has been!

As of now, I have 1837 words left to go!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, called Keele, there was a headless chicken. And she ran around the room that she had been given, clucking and falling over Death Note bags and ripping pieces of very important paper by accident.

She had two appointments to make one day, so sat around in her PJs up until a half hour before an appointment before she decided to get ready. And then the rest of the story will be told later...

XD

HIIIIIII!!!

Okay, so this is what the plan is today.

Appointment with Tim - 10am
Appointment with Head of Department - 2pm
Dissertation work - ...hours in between I guess...
Printing off work for Ally - evening

It's not a busy day, it's just sort of new to me because I have never gone up to anyone and asked for a reference before. Hopefully they all know what they're doing so we'll see.

For the first time, I've actually started getting in a good habit of labelling my posts something or another.

I'm also going to take a shower today, (yes, I need it), and then I'm going to eat something and go to the library where hopefully I will completely finish my dissertation! All that should be left is to delete some stuff, and type up the other stuff I wrote today.

@_@

Yesterday, I took about 363 words for the conclusion. And then 637 words for the beginning of chapter 2 of my thesis.

I wrote 1000 words. YAY.

Now I just need to take care of the rest of the three thousand. Can I do it? Yeah. In one day? ......Hopefully.

Wish me luck, guys!

Also, I think I slept too much today. I ended up waking up at 12.15pm. Yikes. I blame the driving. And the fact that I wasn't so stressed out like how I was on edge and jittery at home.

Does anyone know where I can find the script online for Disney;s Snow White and the Seven Drwaves?

Any help would be gratefully received. It's for my thesis, you see. Which sucks.

Hello everyone! Just wanted to say that my internet smells over here. It's slow and clunky and on my laptop, the internet keeps shorting out on me, which is very irritating as it means I can't download anything on my laptop. I have to use the clunky computer downstairs which everyone uses. ERK. I know. XD

Still, never mind! Internet is internet, right?

Thanks everyone, for all your support! But I'm thinking that things might work out all right. There's no sense in getting down about it anyway. XD

Also, have started my periods. Which explains my bad moods for the previous few days.

YEE HAW!

Things aren't going so well on the home front. My mother is a mess, my father is trying to do the best he can and is thus neglecting everyone but his parents, who have been visiting since 7th March and aren't due to go until the 10th July. (!)

My brother is becoming more and more of a liar and a spend-thrift. The only one who seems sane in the household is Avi and she's the one who's having the thoughest time, having to settle in a new country, into a new household, where she has no friends apart from the snake-pit that is the family. I'm talking about my cousins and the aunts, who want to suck her into the whole family politics aspect of things.

Be brave and strong, Avi. You'll need all your strength if you're to survive here.

As for me, my mother's sleeping in my bed after crying and claiming that my father can't possibly love her. She's snoring like a rhino and I am being kept awake. Fair enough. I will have to deal. But I'm pretty high-strung thanks to my time coming, that I am about to snap.

It will most likely be at my grandparents, who are annoying as fuck.

My work has NOT progressed at all thanks to all the drama. I wish I was back at University already. Things should be easier in the summer, because the grandparents from hell would be gone by then. Anyway, I have to be strong and tough. I can be strong and tough because I've managed to deal with all this crap before now.

So yes...it's going to be a LONG weekend indeed.

So today, I drove to Nottingham. Yes. Nottingham. By myself. Without anyone in the passenger's seat. How did I do?

Well, I'm here aren't I? ^_^

Yep, I'm feeling a hell of a lot more confident. I hope it isn't ill-founded confidence though. But I'm pretty sure it isn't.

That's right.

Today was rather an emotional day for me. Miss. Fadagaski knows damn well why, so when she sees this, she's gonna poke fun at me. =P (Yes, that's right, I'm PREPARED! *stares at her hoard of bunny grenades*)

Anyway, I'm trying to act all strong and non-concerned, despite the fact I was bawling like a baby earlier on, but meh.

I won't lie. Fadagaski leaving the country is going to take some getting used to. Of course it will. But then again, she left the country in first year when she went to Canada. She also left the country for the whole of the summer, when she went and did summer camp, which was awesome.

This, quite frankly, is nothing new. :P

And honestly? I'm gonna miss you to bits, Fadagaski. But you know, ROLL ON OCTOBER '09!

So in conclusion, my brother is a bit of a jerk.

Mum's not best pleased with him, and I'm certainly not pleased with him either. Apparently, my sub-conscious wants him dead. O.o;

Yes, I had a dream where my brother died. Odd. And very freaky. (shrug)

ANYWAY!

I have finished one essay! One more to go!

I'm still feeling fairy calm and centered. My tooth is still paining, but I've made a dentists' appointment for the 1st May, 10.45am. Meh. Hope it either heals up by then, or doesn't fall out. XD

ANYWAY, I've been driving a lot recently. I'm trying to get in as much practise as possible so then I can manage to get home in one piece, as well as around the country in general. To be free in my car, I need

a) Money to pay for petrol
b) Experience so then I don't crash and burn and die, and kill people with me.

^_^

I have an exam today as well. 2.30-4.30pm. Have I done much for it? Well, I've read the books, and I've skimmed through the articles, but I still feel as if these are books that you can't actually say much about.

Well, here's hoping I get the questions I want. Or that I know somehow, how to twist things so then they can be about the stuff that I want them to be about. @_@

I'm now hungry. Interesting.

@_@

3 books left to read for exam - 25th April
3500 essay - it's done - referencing is needed - 29th April
4703 words left to write for - May 15th

I'm going to FAIL my exam!

So it's happened, my brother is wedded, and I have a sister-in-law, and have become a sister-in-law. My parents have become in-laws also.

Which I suppose is a lot better than all of us become OUT-LAWS.

But anyway, it's a lot of title changing to happen overnight.

The thing is, it hasn't really sunk in yet. And it won't until I go back home, which won't be for a long time. I'm feeling totally insecure about everything now.

Bah to my personality hating change. @_@

ANYWAY, I'm happy, I hope everything goes well.

And though I didn't get a chance to talk to mum about trying to go elsewhere for my postgrad, I'm willing to stay in Nottingham now.

Why?

Because I told her that she can't cling to me, and that she has to let me grow up, and that I understand why she's so protective and posessive of me, because I'm the first experience she has of a child wanting to stay away from the family home. She never got this with Shiv, he's been determined to stay on her apron strings, but I'm not. She finds this odd, and that's understandable. Let me be a grown up about this.

But I DID tell her that she can't stop me from going to Japan. To which she said "Okay, I won't. But maybe I can come stay with you for a week at first to make sure you'll be okay."

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes, but I said sure.

Say anything to make them happy, and then walk away. My mother will forget all about it anyway, lately she's been forgetting a lot of things. Old age is catching up on her.

We also had a big big talk about weddings and marraiges.

I'm sort of worried about my parents, because mum was constantly saying things to me like "Sometimes, I think about leaving your Dad. In fact, if this keeps up, and if he refuses to even TRY and listen to me or understand me, then I WILL leave him."

Yeah. Am worried. But not OVERLY worried. I think my brain's gone into short-circuit or something. It's all going to catch up on me later, I just know it. But I gotta push it to one side for now.

However, the up-shot of this conversation was that i told her that I will NEVER get married. Never. No one can force me, and I won't ever want to get married, no matter how much time you give me. I told her this and she looked at me and said "And if that's what you really want, I will stand by you. I will stick up for you."

She made a promise to me. And I shall hold her to it.

*grin*

I feel somehow liberated. I DID make sure to tell her that if I'm not getting married, that doesn't mean I'm going to stay in the family home forever and ever. I told her that she was wrong to make me feel rubbish and never good enough. And she APOLOGIZED to me.

Shiv getting married has somehow given me some sort of power. In theory, she has two daughters. But she also has one son, who's going to get ever more distant from her as he pays more and more attention to his wife. This means that my mother HAS to listen to me. She has to keep me close so then I don't leave her too.

And this is where my strength comes in.

Things have been very strained between us for a while. But now that there is a new girl in the house, the blood relations have to show some sort of solidarity. I suppose that THIS is what it's all about. *shrug*

Who cares. As long as I get my freedom in a year's time, and my freedom from the threat of marraige.